2011 Poem A Day Challenge - Day 10

For today's prompt, write a never again poem.

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I remember the last time I said those words. It was not one of my proudest moments. Without going into details, I was drunk out of my mind, rambunctious, and was not someone who you really wanted to be with. I was wreaking havoc, and I'm sure more than a few people at the party were displeased with me. I know one nameless fellow was. And considering the shit he was doing at the time, and how it was hurting people (and truthfully, he pulled the same shit years later with the same disastrous results), his voice of condemnation was filled with such hollow morality that I laughed in his face. To many, I was the drunk who was out of control. But I knew better. As drunk as I was, I saw the situation building around me with a clarity he will never possess in his lifetime.

The trick is, how do you take that moment in time and put into poetry? Oh yeah... that's why it's called a CHALLENGE... (slapping forehead)... Uh, duuuuhhh...

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No matter how much pain I take
Or how numb I try to make it become
I will never fully lose sight
On the source of all your hurt

This hip little scene
This poor man's Camelot
It really makes me wonder
Whether it's you or me
That is truly the bigger fool
You for building it
Or me for buying it

We are building our home in illusions
And in truth, they are no better than lies
They may sound nicer
But it's still a false sound
All digital without the chance of an echo

I want to tear it all down
I want to take every piece of it
And every person associated with it
And break it down completely
With dust
With damage
With fire
With fury
With tears
With torment
I really think I could do
The one thing that would
Bring me to tears in the process

Because I know that in tearing down
Your brightly colored
Drawn to 1/4 inch scale
And masterfully lit dream world
I would take the legs out from you
And leave you in the only place 
You fear to be

A little room
With no lights
With no windows
And just enough room
For you and the truth

Is destroying the source of our pain
Worth destroying you in the process?

So go ahead
Mock me
Condemn me
Shake your head in indignation
I'll openly laugh at you
And only I will understand why

I'll just take another sip of whiskey
And do all that I can to keep my tongue
From saying what I want to say the most
And this is simply this:

At this moment,
I am the only thing that is
Keeping Camelot from ashes
I can see through all the bullshit
The pretense
The false achievements
And the hollow relationships

With a word
You will know what power I wield
With a word
Nothing will be left to save you

You don't know how far I can go
You don't know how much I can take
You don't know, you don't know,
And you never, ever will

But don't mind me
I'm just another demon
You brought to this little soiree
Uninvited
Unrelenting
Understanding

Now if you will excuse me
I'm going off to the Demon's Bar
Perhaps I'll see you there later
If you truly have the courage
To see yourself in the faded mirror
Behind the wall of bottled screams

Never has there been a night
Where I was fully, truly aware
Of this little situation
And yet...

Again, I will find myself
Drifting off to sleep
And waking up
Knowing nothing ever happened

J.